In My Restless Dreams

9:35 PM Personal 0 Comments

Two nights ago I dreamed a familiar dream. I was in the girls' locker room changing for work. The locker room was huge and seemed to grow exponentially. Farther and farther into the locker room I traveled, not certain where I was going nor what I would find there. The girls in the locker room looked at me with disgust and derision, talking amongst themselves but saying nothing to me. I could hear no sound.

The farther I walked, the more the women started to look like men. I was then in a part of the locker room where men and women existed together, sometimes separate but sometimes as one unit. Assuming I had entered a unisex bathroom, I apologized and continued onward.

Eventually the women thinned out and I saw only men with the same look of disgust on their faces, pointing and laughing and sometimes overtly yelling crude comments, none of which I could make out. I looked around and realized that I was completely lost. This bathroom/locker room that seemed to stretch on for eternity became a maze, my own personal prison. I turned the way I had come to find my way back to the women's locker room but found my way barred. I continued onward, trying my best to ignore the unwanted feelings and undeserved ridicule. I had no place in any of the locker rooms and could not find my way out.

I was walking in both worlds, but belonged to neither. I woke up with a lingering sense of doubt and unexpected guilt.