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Breathe deep
Description - This story takes the reader into the mind of a paranoid heroin addict.
Breathe deep…..exhale. Slower this time…breathe. Its almost here and I don’t know what to do. Its never been this bad before. Just a few more….
“Angela.”
Who’s there? Is it him again? I knew he would come for me again, I just knew it!
“Angela, are you OK?”
Snap. “What? Umm..” Jolt. “Yeah I…I’m fine.”
“You look tired. Did you sleep last night?” Try as you might Daniel, you’re not getting in again. I will not be your tool. Not again.
Angela looked up at her boss’s face. She was almost panting at this point, as if she was holding onto something with her life. “I’m fine, I’m just a little tired is all.” She managed to choke out a coherent thought in the midst of this madness. Daniel looked down at her with his most sympathetic face and began to speak in his deepest kind-hearted voice.
“Your shift ends in an hour. Just take the rest of the day off. Try to get some sleep.”
Just like the pervert. Get me all rested up for you. Well, if you think this time is going to be the same then you’ve…
“Thank you sir. I … I can send you the rest of the case file by email if you’d like.”
“Get some sleep,” he said as he turned to walk away. Angela waited until he was out of sight, gathered her briefcase and files, and rushed off to her car without speaking to anyone along the way.
The ride home was the longest 30 minutes of her life. Upon entering, she immediately found what she was waiting for all day. Glory. I have been waiting for you all day my love. Bliss set in, that horrible bliss that washed away all the bad thoughts. The needle was cold, or maybe her skin was warm. I don’t know. She unraveled the tourniquet, threw the demon needle on the ground, and began her decent. Sleep. I need sleep. The bed had never felt so comfortable, and the heroin never felt so consuming. Yawn. Exhale. Everything will be better in…just….a few…
“Daniel? What are you doing here? I thought that…”
“Come to me love, I can take you away. No I’m not mad at you. It was only a wedding. You had every right to leave. If you loved my brother more, no one can blame you for that. You must follow your heart.”
Wedding? What is he talking about. I remember….something… Oh yes. The wedding. Our wedding that never was. It was your fault.
The wedding bells were loud and painful to her ears. Everything was black, no…white. Maybe it was both? That’s not important. They were all shades of gray. Here comes the bride. Walk.
The faces in the crowd turned accusingly, piercing through my veins like the needle with whom I had fallen in love. Just keep walking. Monsters. Their faces were pale with cold black eyes, staring at me. That man is not a priest, but an executioner. If only I could see under his hood…Daniel? My love? He was dressed in black with shades of rainbow. “You may kiss the bride.” Came what sounded like the very voice of god, or the devil….my devil. Daniel leaned in to kiss her. Pain pain pain. She felt like someone had just stabbed her in the back. The gentle embrace had become her not so gentle demise. Her body was being ripped apart. She couldn’t breathe. Help. Help. She looked into the crowd as this monster tore at her flesh, the red staining her beautiful white or gray dress. She looked desperately for her mother, but found only mice.
Mice?
Giant mice. Everywhere. Much bigger than she was. She was in a court room. “No further questions your honor,” she said without intending it. She was watching from somewhere….somewhere safe? She didn’t know, but only that she was watching herself. The judge looked at the rat on the witness stand. He stroked his tiny whiskers and appraised the court house. I could see the snide little look on his rat face as he stared a hole through my veins. It burns. “GUILTY,” came the boom of the rat’s voice as he stared straight at Angela. Screaming. Is this me? Am I screaming? Yes, SOMEBODY HELP! The scream came from deep inside the rat’s throat, all the way through my being.
This isn’t a courtroom. Angela could feel the rope around her neck as the executioner pulled the platform away, causing her to fall to her death. The rope squeezed tighter, tighter until she couldn’t breathe anymore. When will I stop falling?
Buzz.
She fell onto a mattress of razorblades. Scream. Pain. The windows came from nowhere and shattered. The glass was sticking into her hands and her eyes. Pain. Everywhere hurt from the glass.
Buzz.
Loud music. Nightmares. Monsters. Help. Someone please help me. Snakes. Everywhere. “Raise above” said the biggest snake. He looked at Angela and spoke clearly and defiantly. Laughter. “Now abhor yourself as much as you revile your own craving. WAKE UP!”
Buzz.
The doorbell was louder than she had ever remembered. She awoke, sweating and screaming. The sound came from the door. “Miss, are you OK? I heard screaming. Hello?”
“I’m…I’m fine it was just…just a nightmare,” Angela managed to choke out through the vomit that was coming up.
“Ok, I was just checking. Are you sure you’re all right?”
“Yes. Please go away.” Vomit.
She looked at the digital alarm clock, which flashed the time in a most taunting way. Midnight already? She needed air. She walked over to the window of her 10th floor apartment and opened the balcony window. Look at yourself. Angela was leaning against the wall at the only spot she had allowed to show light from the outside world. She was shaking. She looked over at the needle on the floor and began crying, screaming.
Angela Erickson, you are dead to me.
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