6 Simple Ways Smokers Can Stop Being Self Centered

7:47 PM Random 0 Comments

 One of the most common benefits I hear about living in the United States is the ability to choose. Regardless of what is shoved down your throat every day at the bus stop or on television, we can ultimately choose the music we like, the clothes we wear, the deity we worship, and even the fastest way to destroy ourselves. The great thing about self destruction is that there's always someone willing to help, no matter where you are. Its beautiful in an American sort of way.

 That being said, smokers can be assholes. Generally I think that making blanket statements like that is an awful idea. This is different. The act of smoking directly affects the people and vice versa, therefore the two are inextricably linked. I'm all for self destruction, but smoking is a social offense with many innocent bystanders. At one point is was socially acceptable, but times have indeed changed.

 Now that I have that small rant concluded, please take to heart the following suggestions to make your smoking experience more pleasant for everyone involved:

1. When laws prohibit smoking within a certain distance from doorways, it is not merely in place to inconvenience you. Many people are allergic, uncomfortable, or just plain hate the smell (that's me). Please keep these people in mind, both inside the establishment and passersby.

2. I ask that you kindly cease smoking while you are still outside. The established distance from the doorway is not meant as a challenge. Please please do not inhale, hold your breath, and exhale as you are entering the building. Note that this defeats the purpose of any limits whatsoever.

3. Everyone loves concerts and outdoor events. Parades, drive-ins, coronations...how can anyone resist that? All of those people are there, like you, to enjoy the spectacle. You know what's not fun? Having a thick cloud of throat scorching death forced into your lungs as you inhale to encourage the performer or generally express your feelings about the occasion. Please, save the smoking for another time. I'm not saying you should never smoke outside, but I'm fairly certain you can wait a few hours in order to make the experience pleasant for everyone. Don't be so selfish.

4. Smoking is known to leave your lungs coated with all sorts of tar-like chemicals. What isn't mentioned as much is how disgusting your hands are immediately post cigarette. My stepdad would always smoke at the computer while he played online poker. All other flaws aside, our white keyboard was a diarrhea shade of brown within a matter of days. To those who choose to smoke I beg you - please wash your hands frequently. Before you touch your office phone or door handles or (especially) shake hands with another human being - WASH YOUR HANDS. It takes not more than a minute or so and it had the added benefit of protecting against harmful bacteria.

5. Hygiene is important, perhaps more so for smokers than most. I would direct the read to item number 1, wherein it is mentioned that a lot of people hate the smell. The logical conclusion then is that those same people hate the taste. If you are going to smoke, please brush your teeth afterward. I realize the combination may not be all together appetizing, but if done correctly it may drastically increase your sex life.

6. I know this has been said many times in the past, and its really more of a comment than a request, but smoking does not make you look cool or sexy (unless you are Audrey Hepburn, and even then...). If you will smoke, do it because you want to or because you can't stop. If you are thinking of starting because it makes you look tough or enigmatic, please reconsider.

 The most important point to remember is to be considerate of those around you. If smokers follow these very simple rules, the outside world would be a pleasant place for smokers and non-smokers alike. Please do your part to make this human condition with which we are all inflicted a little more bearable for the masses.

 Thank you.